When you think of a person who’d be into kinky sex, I’m the last person you’d imagine. I’m a mom of two (with the stretch marks to prove it) who’s been happily married for nearly 20 years. I volunteer at the school, work part-time in …
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“I’m going to wrestle you so hard right now,” my husband Craig says to me.
We’re in the kitchen, making chicken tacos, and I just told him he’s cutting the onion wrong. I’m cranky. I’ve been sleeping terribly, my night terrors rearing their ugly delusional heads. Earlier in the week, I thought a rumpled bathrobe on the floor next to the bed was our 3-year-old daughter Hattie, dead. I got up and screamed. I also punched Craig in the back.
As if he wasn’t already pissed at me, I’ve been letting my clothes pile up all over the house, something he can’t stand. Me, I’m annoyed that he’s been working on the computer long after the workday is over and is quick to lose his patience with Hattie, leaving me to clean up the tearful aftermath. Around the house, there’s no shortage of outbursts involving the word “fuck.”
Any chance we have to talk or cuddle or watch a movie together to make up is co-opted by Hattie, who has decided bedtime is the hour to try on every piece of clothing she owns, or by our newborn daughter Marvin, who needs to be at my breast at all times.
So we wrestle.
In the 10 minutes we have before we both pass out and start the parenting-work circus that is our life all over again the next day, we collapse on the bed, our makeshift wrestling ring. It begins gently enough, with some rolling and tousling of the hair, nothing too major, and picks up as our bodies start to feel really good about slamming into one another. He chicken-wings me, a move he perfected with his little brother. I knee him close to his crotch. We have no rules; anything goes.
The thing is, I like wrestling. Maybe even love it.
See, I have a little sister, but growing up we would only fight in the ways that females stereotypically do. Sort of. When we were younger, I’d pull her hair and chase her with a vacuum cleaner, the mere threat of it enough to send her screaming to her room. (A memory my mother never lets me forget even now at 35-years-old.) When we were in our teens, we’d steal each other’s clothes and stay on the one landline phone we all shared way longer than we said, out of spite. In our adult life, it looked more like throwing purses and calling each other every curse word imaginable.
Yet, while those outbursts might have temporarily relieved some frustration, they weren’t enough to let it go.
That’s where wrestling—a sport I knew little about and continue to know little about—comes into play. In those moments when Craig’s pinning me or I’m trying to cheat by nudging him off the bed with my feet, it’s hard to not to find the childish amusement in two grown-ups thrashing around like floppy fish. Most times our bout ends with us laughing, sometimes we have sex, and occasionally we take a nap.
I never win. And I don’t care.
I hesitate to tell people about our wrestling trysts. For one, they take one look at me and don’t believe I’m capable of it. I’m soft spoken. I have freckles. I look like the type of woman who rode horses in her childhood. (I didn’t, as I’ve never really liked animals.) And when they hear I met Craig in the Peace Corps, then it’s really over. The Peace Corps. Surely I’m some calm hippie who eats kale and meditates.
While I do, in fact, love kale, what they don’t know is that there’s a rage I’ve inherited from my Irish, bipolar father hidden deep within me. I’ve been drawn to things I could hit my whole life—a volleyball or drumkit, for example—and have an unabashed crush on JWOWW from Jersey Shore for the sole reason that she’s not afraid to use her fists when necessary. Wrestling lets me safely tap into those primal urges that women have been typically told to reign in. Sit still. Don’t cause a scene. Don’t fight.
This body of mine that has spent hours, days even, pushing out two humans wants another body pressing up against mine that isn’t going to back down. That’s committed to this moment. That’s going to make me twist my limbs and bend my bones in ways I don’t normally do, and come at me hard. I don’t believe in soft. I never have.
On the bed, I thrust my body on top of Craig’s back and have an advantage for a few seconds. Then in an instant, he’s twisted himself out from under me and is holding my hands above my head. We stare at each other, breathing heavily. The kids are in a deep sleep. The laundry remains dirty. The anxieties about our careers and creativity are forgotten.
I surrender to the loss of control.
I examine the number of gray hairs in his beard, hairs that have multiplied in the 10 years we’ve been together, and think of the number of gray streaks popping up on my own head. I imagine us old together, and how delicate our wrestling will have to be with our creaky bones and droopy skin.
Then claustrophobia starts to set in. I wiggle free from his grip and tickle him in a moment of weakness. We both laugh and fall into spooning. Match over. His workaholic tendencies will probably annoy me another time, but right now, they don’t seem so irritating.
“I’m sorry about the mess,” I say.
“I’m sorry about working so much,” he says.
Nothing is completely resolved. Not yet, at least. But there’s always tomorrow when maybe I can get one more half-nelson in.
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If you are looking for relationship advice that will help you improve the connection with your partner, you’re in luck! We have a few things to say! Here, we will go through some of the tricks that will help you keep your relationship healthy and enable it to grow to its full potential.
The first piece of advice we have to give you is acceptance. You need to accept your partner for who they are, and they should accept you. While it is easy to love someone’s virtues, you have to learn to deal with their flaws as well. No one is perfect, and as soon as you accept the person you love as a whole, your relationship will improve.
But accepting them is just the first part of this step. The second one is appreciation. There is nothing that can compare to random compliments and signs of affection, and it just shows that you care about them. Of course, they should do the same for you. Many people fail to notice what they have until they lose it, and then it’s too late to do anything. And this is why you need to show appreciation for the relationship you have.
Dating can be fun. We get to learn about someone, their dreams and aspirations, and what they are like. But for some reason, after a couple falls in love, they tend to forget about this magical time at the beginning of the relationship. Yes, everyone’s busy, and there are so many things to do during the day, especially if you have children.
But none of that means you should forget about your significant other. In fact, dating is important regardless of the stage of the relationship you’re in. What you need to do is find time for your partner and take them out on a date. Remind yourself of all the beautiful moments you had when you first met, and enjoy the journey together. It is a nice way to spice up the relationship and show how much you care about each other.
Being in a relationship is not easy. But the first thing you need to understand is that it is a form of co-existence. You are not alone anymore, and you don’t need to worry about yourself only. You also have your partner and their goals and wishes. As soon as you start instilling the “we” mindset, you will notice how better your relationship has become. And this is the mentality that will allow you and your partner to grow.
Sharing is one of the most beautiful parts of committed relationships, and it will change the way you feel about the two of you. At least it should. At one point, you will start thinking more about your bond, and that mindset should be your goal.
However, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have your own goals and aspirations. There is no need to abandon your hopes and dreams. But there is always space for new, shared ones.
No relationship is perfect. It isn’t possible to find a romantic relationship where everything will be puppies and rainbows. And this is something you should be prepared for. There are good times and bad times, and that’s perfectly normal. What this means is that it might get tough from time to time.
Sharing a life with someone means that you might fight at some point. You might argue or disagree with that, but you should not call it quits as soon as the first problem arises. Instead, you need to find a way to make it work. If you throw away everything at the first bump, you will never have a healthy relationship and connection with another person.
You need to persist and stay through all the ups and downs. If the person is worth fighting for, and you love spending time together, you will need to work for it to make it as good as it can be.
As we mentioned before, people in relationships share everything. But at the same time, you still need to have time for yourself. You might want to go to a movie with your friends, watch a TV show, go to a game, or do anything else that you enjoy doing. And this is one of the sacrifices that you shouldn’t make.
Naturally, you won’t be spending as much time with your friends as you used to, but completely abandoning every other person but your significant other is not a healthy approach.
You need time for yourself, and so does your partner. If they want to do something on their own, you need to respect their time and their wishes
Emotional connection is rather important, but relationships require physical connection as well. And this is one of the most important parts when it comes to intimacy. Probably the first thing on your mind is sex, and yes, it is an essential part of relationships for many people across the globe. But physical connection can mean so much more.
Naturally, it all varies from person to person. But the majority of people enjoy closeness, hugging, kissing, and touching. Cuddle sessions with your partner can be incredible, and it is one of the most effective ways to deepen the connection between you two.
This is something that appears natural, but many people forget about it. Or at least let it wither down. If you are hoping to have a trusting, affectionate, and reciprocal partnership filled with love and passion, the physical connection will be the crucial part.
If you are looking for the best relationship guides, all of them will tell you the same thing. Namely, that you should try to know, understand, and satisfy your partner’s needs. Now, no one is expecting you to be a mind-reader. Communication exists for a reason.
After a while, you will be able to understand what your partner feels and what they need. And your goal is to fulfill their dreams and desires. While it might seem like magic will naturally come with time. As long as you talk to your partner, love them, and care about making them happy, it shouldn’t be an issue. The most important thing is your intention and doing everything in your power to satisfy their needs.
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Beginners, women who want to exercise after their pregnancy to get their pelvic floor muscles in shape again, or 50-plus ladies can best choose for larger and lighter balls. Experts advise to start with a light ball on a sturdy string, made of safe silicone. Yoni egg vs Ben Waa balls, these balls are easier to insert and remove.
Between 30 and 45 years with children (Slightly advanced)
Are you between 30 and 45, with children and no serious pelvic floor symptoms? Then you belong to the group ‘slightly advanced’.
Not yet 35? No children? No complaints? (Advanced)
Under 35 and had no childbirth? Or do you practice yoga or Pilates? And do you have no pelvic floor symptoms? Then you belong to the ‘advanced’. The heavier balls are harder to hold and a right choice for you. Small, heavy balls are the ultimate challenge. But you do not have to opt for small balls automatically. Small balls are often less good to feel and therefore give less that sensual and exciting feeling.
Complete cone sets that anyone over 30 can use (Beginners and light advanced)
If you do not know exactly whether you belong to the “beginners” or “slightly advanced” group, you can opt for a complete training set. The best and most beautiful set experts find is the Je Joue Ami nice set that goes up to a tough workout , but the inexpensive set Nova from Svakom , The Cherry set with which you can start with very light weights and the Luna Beads from the top brand Lelo are also effective. You can use this as a ‘beginner’ or ‘slightly advanced’ start and build up the training slowly, at your own pace. Is the first ball a little too light? Then you can start with the heavier version. Another tip: also take a look at the yoni eggs.
How do you apply the balls well?
Try to relax yourself. A shower in advance can be nice. Bring your attention to your pelvic floor area. Clean the balls before use. You can do this with lukewarm water and anti-bacterial soap or a special toy cleaner.
First apply a little lubricant (for example Pink Frolic or Pjur Toy Lube) to the (front ball.) You can also apply the lubricant to the opening of your vagina, which makes the insertion more comfortable, but do not overdo it, because that can make the ball too smooth making it difficult to hold in place, then you put the ball in, or the balls one by one, press them a little into your vagina until the ball slides in. Then its okay does not push the ball all the way to the back of the vagina, keeping the string on the outside of your body.
Try to experiment with the spot. This stimulates the vaginal wall and gives an exciting feeling. Try to wear them lower in the vagina for a softer sensation, or try to get them directly behind the g-spot for a more intense excitement. The most important thing is that the basic ball is on top of the pelvic floor muscle. If wear a ben wa ball during your normal activities such as walking, swimming, or cleaning, you activate and strengthen your pelvic floor muscles.
When do you know that you have the right ball?
The best weight of the cone to start with is the cone that you can lift and lower comfortably once inserted.
Simple training with ben wa balls
By wearing the balls during your normal activities such as walking, swimming or cleaning you activate and strengthen your pelvic floor muscles.
You must stand or keep moving, and not sit or lie down. The balls will tend to sag and drop below their own weight. Your pelvic floor muscles respond to this and automatically contract. This ensures effective and specific physiotherapy. Depending on how it feels, the balls can be worn for a few minutes or longer. We advise to gradually increase the useful life. But preferably no longer than 30 minutes, because pelvic floor muscles that are too tight can cause other problems. For real muscle strengthening, the balls must be worn regularly over an uninterrupted period. Well with a rest day after 2 days of training for the best result for example, a number of times a week for 1-4 months.
Extra cone exercises
For optimal results, you can do cone exercises with these cone balls. Exercises 1 and 2 in particular are good exercises to start calmly.
Kegel exercise 1 Good start exercise
For this exercise you sit on a chair. You put the ball in, you keep the legs closed. You try to gently move the ball back and forth. Then focus on squeezing the balls.
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